Ever feel pressure to be “right” when consulting with your spouse? In this post we will read a quotation about what Bahá’í marriage is and explore how focusing on unity can help us to foster a more peaceful and loving home.
[quote]The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá’í marriage.[/quote]
(Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings, p. 118)
Take a look at this video in which a husband shares what unity in marriage means to him.
From the video we hear that often it is more important to be unified in your decision, than to figure out who is “right” or “wrong”. If you are unified, even if your decision ends up being the “wrong” one in hindsight, together you will work it out and ultimately find the “right” decision.
Remembering to consult with compassion can be difficult, especially if things are getting heated because both of you are passionate about an issue. But try to step back, take a breather, and remember that the ultimate goal is to be unified on whatever the decision may be. Through being unified, the journey of marriage will be much more enjoyable and you will be able to work together to solve problems along the way.
When you realize you are arguing over something (whether it’s big or small), propose that you each take a moment to take some deep breaths and remember that being unified is more important than being “right.” You may like to read the quotation shared at the beginning of this post to be reminded of the beautiful bond that can be created through marriage.
Unity can still exist during consultation, even if you have differing opinions. If you are having trouble opening up to achieve a spirit of unity, ask yourself:
- Are you too attached to your opinion, and closed to other ideas?
- Are you truly listening to your spouse and trying to understand their perspective?
- How can you compromise? In what way can you improve the situation by working together?
You may like to say a prayer together before continuing the consultation, as well.
Questions for Reflection
Our children watch how we discuss things and will carry our habits over into their own relationships. Consider how you are speaking to your spouse and how you are treating them, in the presence of your children and also when you are alone. Would you like your children to treat their future spouse in this way?
When you have a disagreement with your spouse, do you aim to get your way or do you open your mind to new ideas? How are your listening skills? Can you say things in a way that will be nicer to hear? Are you working as a team?
[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://www.enablemetogrow.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/zafandchels.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]This post was written by Zafar and Chelsea, a couple living in Australia with two young children. They write the posts for Daddy’s Tool Box, a series of articles that share Bahá’í quotations and ideas about how we can practically implement the guidance into our homes. Click here for more information and to see a list of all Daddy’s Tool Box posts.[/author_info] [/author]
Do you and your partner have any habits for defusing an argument and encouraging the true spirit of consultation? Share your tips for consulting with a spouse in the comments below.